Over the past few weeks, I have been presenting mentoring programs for law firms around the country.
Some of the trainings are designed for partners and aim to help them provide career guidance, feedback, and cultural glue to associates.
Some of the trainings are aimed at junior associates, teaching them how to be effective mentees so they can engage with partners and experienced associates to grow professionally.
Some programs are specific to the needs of senior associates who could benefit from sponsors as they approach being elevated to counsel or partner.
I always teach from a habits and mindset framework. A habit for an associate might be asking, “Is there anything I could have done better?” after handing in every assignment.
For a partner, a habit could look like stopping by one associate’s office to check in each time they are in the office.
Doing habits consistently is hard. But you know what’s even harder? Changing our mindset and releasing limiting beliefs that no longer serve us.
During these mentoring trainings, when I ask both junior and senior associates what prevents them from engaging in mentoring relationships and seeking a mentor’s help, whether it’s about a new area of law or getting more visibility with clients, 70% of them tell me they are afraid to ask.
For example, in an in-person training recently, a second-year litigation associate told me she spent 20 minutes preparing herself mentally to ask a partner she was working with a clarifying question, and then another 15 minutes afterward rehashing whether she had interrupted or annoyed him.
I’ve been pondering why high achievers (which includes all of us) are afraid to ask for help, and I think our mindset is the problem. We wrongfully believe that to be successful, we need to be independent and self-reliant. In school, if we asked for help from a classmate, it was called cheating or plagiarism, and if we asked the professor for help on something unclear, it was seen as “brown-nosing.”
But here’s the truth: developing trusted mentoring relationships and benefiting from the experience and wisdom of both formal and informal mentors will help us be even more successful.